Have you ever tried to have a serious conversation with someone who constantly avoids the content you were trying to deal with? If so, do not be afraid far from one. As a coach, I constantly work with people at deep personal interest rates that are extremely important for coachee. Even in this situation there are many who are struggling to keep moving forward. I always find this incredible considering the content they come for training for themselves – what could be more important to them!
What is flexibility?
A flexibility is simply a way to avoid discussing what really matters in a conversation. Often people who relinquish conversation would be supposed by an outsider to be completely jovial. When you approach them with problems, comments or questions, they can happily respond to a silly and light joke that relates to what you are promoting. Or they can smile on you and answer – what about them 49ers.
Whatever their response, flexibility is skillful and apparently & # 39; harmless to change material from one of the greater emphasis on one of the relative inequalities. The result: Often the question is still unanswered, progress is not noticeable and the conversation never gets beneeth the surface.
What's happening when people respond?
Although I do not have a formal education on psychology behind why people get used to it, I can talk from my experience working with a multitude of people who avoid & # 39; certain things like the plague. Often flexibility is a sign that what you are bringing is important, it is unresolved and it is a struggle for the person who is dealing with it. People who point out feel safer to instill this struggle and talk openly about them. For friends, family and coaches, this presents a rather significant challenge as a large building unit for relationships either in social circles or professional is open and convincing communication. How does one support a family member or trainer of a client who constantly bends a conversation?
See stories about what they are
When you're in a conversation and you're in the middle of reality & # 39; discussion, rather difficult to notice a curve if you let the conversation run. It's easy to talk to the conversation especially when the deflector is in parallel with the conversation with fun thoughts. Because of this, it's very important to see flexibility for what it's rather than being raised in the conversation. This is an act that raises awareness and exercises. Often we will lose flexibility and think later – why do not I say something! Remember that it takes a workout, the person who has been using flexibility has been successful in talent for many years or even decades, so you should not expect to be able to avoid all the scope after reading one article on the subject.
Again – Step 1, be aware of what's going on so you can play.
Deflections v. A Walk
Before I get I want to make a distinction between a person who is in a conversation and a person who is in trouble. When you are training, time is limited and time costs money. If you are out of the training area and are simply in conversation with someone, you can not be strained with time limits so that wandering conversations can not be harmful. For coaches, however, it's important to receive bugs that guide you to topics and embarrassing discussions as they create a lack of focus that prevents customers from being successful at the time you have together. Here are the main differences between the two:
- Space for the purpose of deliberately managing the conversation about content
- Space is used to hide what's very important to someone
- Space is a sign that you touch something that The person is inconvenient with (and it may be concealing what needs to be discovered).
- Wanderers have a lot of ideas and often lack focus.
- Wanderers are happy to re-focus, but in reality, it's important to share additional information.
- Wanderers do not avoid conversation, but rather talk about important and insignificant factors.
To be aware of these trends that will either control your content, the tactics to deal with people who respond differently are the way people deal with conversation (feed for future magazines)
] Progressive Conduct Procedures
If you want to prevent what seems to be endless variables, your companion, friend, colleague or client seems to throw you, you & # 39; You must deal with this person next time it happens. This can be difficult since I have found that most people do not want to be confronted – even when the type of confrontation I'm talking about is quite benign and can be done with compassion. Let me give some examples. Injection Process – Changing Questions
Problem – In a conversation, ask a serious question (maybe about their future wishes, vision goals) and they answer by asking you a question. One of my favorites was a customer who would prevent questions by letting me know how much coach I was and she was asking who my manager was so she could pay kudos.
Policy – Let them know you're happy to talk about it later. Now you are interested in them. Ask the question again. Revolutionary Technology – Change of Content
Problem – You are talking to a friend, colleague, customer, etc. And again you've got some important questions to ask. You have been trying to get answers to this topic for a while. When you ask, the answer is a complete change of topic with light hearted garments. Again my personal favorite was a customer who moved to talk about Minnesota Vikings no matter what the conversation we were related to.
Trend – Get involved in what they are doing. What do you see in our conversation every time i go x, y, z? When the question is issued that makes them do it, it will be very difficult to do more of the same (ie: my companion above would have trouble popping me when I saw the Viking game or not After Question This Question!)
Breakthrough – The Joker
Problem – Each time you raise an important topic, "Joker" has whitty simple and light hearted deflective joke in response, they have often got a smile and let others smile around them – so they are a little harder to deal with.
Stragety – Appease Their Kindness and Refocus. One can say – It's funny. I really appreciate good nature and humor. Now if you do not mind, this stuff is very important to watch – talk to me about x, y, z. Trick – excuse
Problems – You've tried to talk seriously to someone about content and every time you bring them up rather than avoid the issue, deflector casts excuses, tells you their life story and they avoid what's important for you by saying that we will find out later.
Trend – Listen, acknowledge and ask. Anyone who avoids conversation by throwing out some excuses is surprising and their priorities are not the same as yours. Typically, they would be prepared to have this conversation just hard for them to deal with what you are talking about at the moment. They tell you indirectly that they need to be heard. They also need support, so you can offer them support. Give them space, let them feel, let them know you understand that things are hard. Once you have allowed them to clear their thoughts, they might be willing to discuss the topic you are interested in discussing.