This is a simple three-step approach to counseling. This process occurs when someone comes to you with problems or wants to talk about something. It is for "usually nervous messages like you and me", not to deal with people with severe mental illness.
Avoid giving advice (trap for advice).
Stage One: Listening
Listening means understanding the content and feelings that accompany it.
Dementia is not enough.
Never make a statement about defining the problem or feelings, ask instead. Not, "You feel …" but instead, "Are you feeling?". Not, "the matter is …." But instead, "You think the problem is …." Egypt, "you see it is …." At this point, it may be enough to say "uh- huh "or knit your head.  This level ends when the person starts to talk about the problems behind the problem. You will know that you have been successful when you get an agreement on your suggestions about what the matter is and the feeling behind it.
Stage Two: Exploratory Listening
When the person speaking to you finds that they will continue to deepen. At this stage, you can begin to ask research questions. Ask if they have found this way before; What they have tried to do in a similar situation – whether it worked or not; Whatever there are other thoughts and feelings that are happening to them. You can, if you see something clear, offer observations on what you see. Things like, "You seem happy / sad / angry …" and so on. Even here is probably better to ask a question than to make a statement.
The important issue at this stage is to be in touch with their deep feelings they find.
If you can not do this, let them know; do not fake it. You can something like, "Sorry, I can not see this now." They will appreciate it more than pretend (and they will always know if you're just pretending).
This phase ends when the case is seen differently, a new insight is reached.
Step Three: Doing Different Things
When they see things differently, they can start doing things differently or at least intend to.
The liberation when somebody comes to you with a problem is trying to jump right to this level. This is a mistake. What's needed is a time to explore what's going on and see it in a new way.
At this stage you can make suggestions about what has worked for you.
Do not get stuck in playing "Yes, but …".
If they give reasons why your suggestions will not work, do not substantiate. Instead of asking what they have tried, why it did not work and what they can do differently this time.
You may want to plan that they can check with you so that they monitor how they are doing their new way of doing things.
This phase ends when they test new behaviors with you or when they have a plan of new behaviors they want to try with others.
This process is almost exclusively listening.
The other person always knows more about your own circumstances than you do.
Never offer advice on what they should do. At the third level, you might want to say what has worked for you if you have agreed with similar issues yourself.
With a little workout you can get pretty good pretty soon in this process. You might like to become someone who comes to & # 39; for advice and # 39;. As long as you stop this process and do not offer advice, you will do a lot of good and help many.