The Essential Self

A term that guides my meetings is necessary for myself. I believe that each of us has the absolute way to be who finds his way in everything we do. Overtime, many of us come to think about our wishes and opinions as who we really are. Often, these preferences and opinions are much more about our person, mask, of course, but they are expressions of the necessary self. However, there are often signs of our essential self within these wonderful attractions in our self-image.

What is necessary for yourself? Necessary is what you are in your core. I'd rather think about it in more abstract terms. I think of it as nuclear energy. Some might think of it as a person – if you are offering an ideal environment, what would he or she be like?

Somehow in all of our thoughts, we find ourselves believing we should be something. This is inevitably something else than we know we should be. In fact, after a while, forget about this, we even forget who we are truly. We may be upset by ourselves or we may have a vague feeling that something is wrong.

To survive this place should be like expecting grapevine to grow pears. We think we should really grow pears, even though we actually have a vineyard in the heart. We wonder why the bulbs we do are not quite correct and never seem to be as good as they should be.

The fact is we are something. And when we relate to the necessary self, we no longer assume that we are what we are not. When we do this, we can give our ideal environment and care so that we can really flourish.

The question at this point is usually "Well, how do I relate to my self-confidence?"

Living your necessary self is a way of life and there are many different ways to access the core you are. Here are some questions that are useful to get started:

1.) When are you happiest or when do you feel the most? Explain how you feel?

2.) List words that really resonate with you?

3.) Think about the characteristics of others who really admire you?

The answers to these questions, when you read out loud by yourself or others, will likely lead to strong emotions. Pay attention to strong emotions of dependence or tension. These indicators are the first steps associated with the necessary self.


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